


The Way They Loved

by Fangodess



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: very jared and connor centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 08:17:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11870298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangodess/pseuds/Fangodess
Summary: original post: https://transjared.tumblr.com/post/160962575561/sincerely-three-hcswhere-do-i-start-oh-gosh-ok





	The Way They Loved

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bazwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazwrites/gifts).



> give me jared who notices the way connor’s eyes soften when he’s happy and finds himself wanting to be the one to cause that look. give me jared who reaches to take connor’s hand but takes it back because what am i thinking? give me jared who finds himself, as he’s laying at night on one side of evan, wishing he was the one in the middle, with evan curled up on his shoulder and connor’s arm tossed over his stomach. give me jared who has to psyche himself up for an hour just to curl his fingers around connor’s, and when he finally does he can’t even look at connor he’s so flustered, and when connor squeezes back he can’t help but break into a grin.
> 
> give me connor who finds his mind going blank when he hears jared’s real laugh; not his snarky or insecure or defensive laugh, but his real, genuinely delighted, hold-your-stomach for the first time. give me connor who angles himself closer to jared on the couch because maybe its because he’s cold and jared runs naturally warm, but the space between jared’s neck and chin looks safe and warm and…good. give me connor who has to work up the courage to give jared a goodnight kiss on the cheek after he’s given one to evan. give me connor who whispers his first ‘i love you’ in the dark one night, but has to repeat it with a tacked on i love you, jared just to make sure the message gets across because he Hears jared at night sometimes, when he’s sniffling and thinking he’s not good enough for either of his boyfriends.
> 
> give me sincerely three where they all love each other without restraint!! give me sincerely three where two of them arent just there for one person!!! give me healthy, happy sincerely three!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> headcanon from @transjared on tumblr  
> original post: https://transjared.tumblr.com/post/160962575561/sincerely-three-hcswhere-do-i-start-oh-gosh-ok

Their relationship starts because of Evan, at least if you ask Connor and Jared they will say it did but Evan would beg to differ, he knew they loved each other from the start. The relationship definitely starts of shaky and unsteady but they were young and hopelessly in love. so, in the end, it worked.  
***  
It’s not till their third date that Connor’s walls even begin to come down. Maybe it was because he was getting more comfortable around them or maybe it was because it was his turn to pick the place and he was more in his comfort zone. They were sitting at some small ice-cream shop, ‘A La Mode’, and it’s the first time Jared sees it.  
The place is near empty so they sit at a small circular table and Evan is rambling about something, stumbling over words not used to having undivided attention for this long. Suddenly Jared looks over at Connor and about falls out of his chair. Connor’s looking at Evan with so much love and happiness in his eyes that it physically winds Jared. And yet all he can think is, ‘god I wish I could make him look at me like that.’  
***  
Their next date is at a small café. The place is packed and there is only one table left. It’s a small two-person booth in the end Jared steals a chair from one of the half-occupied tables and sits at the end of the table.  
It was fitting that Jared was the one on the end. He always feels, more like knows, that he’s the least wanted. He knows that Connor and Evan would work just fine, maybe even better, if he weren’t around. Jared can feel himself spiraling but he can’t seem to stop himself. He shoves back violently back from the table, practically toppling the chair, mumbling something about having to go to the bathroom. In his hurry to get away he tries desperately to ignore the look of concern on both their faces. He still can’t quite ignore the fact that neither cared enough to follow. So, Jared spends the next 15 minutes sobbing alone in the bathroom.  
***  
One day they’re walking to class, just Connor and Jared, Evan had a doctor’s appointment, and Connor looks at him with that soft content look in his eyes that makes Jared melt. Jared looks at him and suddenly thinks ‘I could just grab his hand’ so he begins to reach out before freezing and pulling away. How could he be so stupid? Why would Connor possibly want to hold his hand? So, he retreats into himself. Reminds himself to put his guard up because Jared may love Connor just as much as Evan but Connors only in it for Evan because why would he want Jared.  
***  
The first time Connor hears Jared laugh, really laugh not sarcastic or self-conscious, the entire world stops. He can’t even remember what he said because Jared’s laugh is so amazing and he caused this. He had made Jared laugh so loudly and so beautifully that he couldn’t even think. So, when Jared sits back up with tears in his eyes. All Connor can do is smile and think about how desperately in love he has fallen with this man.  
***  
One night they are all lying in bed Connor closest to the edge, Evan in the middle curled into Jared’s side, who is closest to the wall, side. Evan was already asleep curled around Jared face buried in his neck, snoring slightly.  
Connor had thrown his arm over Evan when they got into bed. His arm had landed on Jared’s stomach and he hadn’t moved it. So that lead up to the last hour of him siking himself up to this moment. He just needed to do it. So, he did. He reached out and loosely laced his fingers with Connors. He can’t quite bring himself to look at Connor, too flustered and scared. Then he feels a slight squeeze. Connor had squeezed his hand and he couldn’t bring himself to do anything but grin like an idiot.  
***  
Some nights aren’t good, some nights Jared doesn’t feel good enough, doesn’t feel like he’ll ever be good enough. Nights like that all he needs is for them to hold him, tell him he is enough, but he could never ask for that. He doesn’t want to appear clingy, he already takes more than he gives. So, what he actually does on nights like this is pull away. He slides as close to the wall as he can. He curls up and tries to shy away from his boyfriends’ touch. When they fall asleep, or at least thinks they’re asleep, he lets the tears flow. He sobs silently desperately wanting them to touch him but no wanting to ask for too much. He’s already scared he asked for too much and when will he ask for so much that they leave him. So, he shy’s away and sobs silently.  
***  
The next day they are all sitting on the couch watching some stupid movie but Jared can’t focus Evan is curled into his side and Connor is sitting pressed against him. Moments like these blow Jared away and make him realize just how desperately in love he’s fallen.  
Suddenly Connor yawns stretching and leaning away from Jared. He is disappointed but only for a moment because when Connor leans back he presses himself fully against Jared. He leans his entire upper-body against Jared face buries in the crook of his neck.  
Jared flares bright red but wraps his arm around Connor, smiling like an idiot, anyway.  
***  
It took Connor another week to build up the confidence to kiss Jared on the cheek after Evan. They were all getting ready for bed and Connor kissed Evan on the cheek as usual, “Goodnight Evan,” he says softly.  
Then he leans over and kisses Jared on the cheek, “goodnight Jared,” he adds softly.  
And god he can’t do anything other than fall even more in love with the way Jared flushes and sputters.  
***  
Another night they are getting ready for bed again when Jared murmurs something neither of them can hear.  
“What was that love?” Evan asks softly.  
“Never mind it’s stupid anyway. Forget I said anything,” Jared stutters looking away.  
Connor walks over and places his hands on his shoulders looking him firmly in the eyes, “tell us what you want honey, I’m sure it’s not stupid.”  
“I just asked if I could sleep in the middle. Sorry I know it’s stupid and probably asking too much and I get it I ask for more then I give. Sorry just forget I said anything,” he stuttered.  
Evan walked up behind him wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his face in his shoulder, “it’s not stupid sweetheart. If you wanted to all you had to do was ask.”  
“are you sure? it’s okay if you don’t want too,” Jared rambled.  
“Jared shut up and come to bed,” Connor said. Evan and Connor both drug him to bed and curled around him. Jared leaned into Connors touch and clung to Evan desperately trying to hold back tears of relief. For once he felt like they truly wanted him.  
***  
It all comes to a head one night all the fear, all the insecurity, all of it. It seems almost underwhelming in the grand scheme of things. Hell, Evan isn’t even awake for it but Connor and Jared are. It has been silent since Evan fell asleep.  
It had been silent until, “I love you,” Connor blurts out causing them both to freeze and Connor clears his throat and says again, “I love you Jared” he says it again to make sure Jared knows it’s for him. Connor wants him to know because he’s heard him cry at night those moments where he lets his pain and vulnerability shine through.  
Jared however is near tears, “I love you too,” Jared says with so much relief. It’s not perfect, nothing with them ever is, but it’s a start.


End file.
